wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
