They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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