it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize