I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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