so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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