That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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