It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
