Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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