I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
