dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
