i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
