Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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