hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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