i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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