sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
