I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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