I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
