SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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