At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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