so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
