So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
