my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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