Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
