I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
