I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
vagina is talking i cant
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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