I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
