is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
