Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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