Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
