Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My pussy is not your playground.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
