are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
