I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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