I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize