Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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