My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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