RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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