Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
