hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
