the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
