I can tuck mytits in my pants
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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