can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Duck Duck Cougar?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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