All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
