It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
