when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
