my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize