shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
