Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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