Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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