I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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