I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
