Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
