can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
