I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
