Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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