I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
