I looked at my own cervix.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
