yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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