on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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