the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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