so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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