I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize