oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
