Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
