Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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