**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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