you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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