Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
