GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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