she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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